A Detour from Celebration: When Life Interrupts Birthday Plans

A birthday without a roadmap: finding my way through loss and uncertainty

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My birthday is this coming Friday, March 29. 

Though I don't care much about holidays, over the years, I have grown to like birthdays because they allow me to celebrate people special to me, including myself. 

I haven't always liked birthdays. In fact, I hated my birthdays as a kid (because my birthdays reminded me that I didn't have many friends). 

As a teenager, my birthdays were not much better.

Case in point, my 16th birthday, when I invited people to meet at the ice skating rink, and nobody showed up - which ended up being a good thing because it turned out when I got inside, the public session had been canceled (because I hadn't thought to confirm it). 

Sweet 16, huh? 

Teenage Lyric is in a blue shirt and blue jeans, scowling at someone who is taking their picture from behind as they talk on the phone.

Making friends and starting new relationships with people has always been difficult for me, and it still is. That is why I treasure the few relationships that I have greatly. 

David and I have been traveling for almost two years. 

While we traveled, I kept close contact with my grandparents, especially my grandfather (one of the most influential people in my life), texting, sending photos, and calling my grandparents whenever we landed in a new spot. 

I didn't miss Texas while we were on the road, but I did miss the good people we left behind when we hit the road -my friends and family.

When March rolled around this year, I was excited to kick off my birthday month, and I even scheduled myself a few extra days off on my birthday weekend (planning a 4 day weekend for the first time in several months). 

Because we live in a small space (and most people in my life don't have much to spare), I discourage people from giving me stuff (which takes up space we don’t have) for my birthdays. 

This year, after an extended period away, the one thing I wanted was to spend time with my grandparents. 

However, my grandfather, who was like a father to me, suddenly became ill and passed away earlier this month, and now I don't feel like celebrating without him.

This birthday, which I was excited about, has become one I am indifferent to. 

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