A Radical Gift I Never Expected: What The NeuroDivergent Rebel Community Taught Me.
I Started a Blog to Find Myself. I Accidentally Built a Community Instead.
When I started this blog more than eight and a half years ago (after being diagnosed Autistic at the age of 29), I didn't know what I was building (yet).
I was adrift, searching for something I couldn't quite name. Little did I know that this journey into the many corners of the internet would lead me to a path of radical and profound self-discovery and transformation.
At the beginning of my blogging journey, I felt a mix of excitement and uncertainty.
Starting the NeuroDivergent Rebel blog marked a new chapter for me, a creative outlet where I could share my thoughts, experiences, and insights with the world (however, I seriously underestimated how many people I'd be sharing with).
I'd had many blogs over the years tied to various hobbies and topics that I once found myself obsessed with (most of them never carried my name or face).
None of my previous blogs had ever amassed a regular following (which had been fine with me), so I had no reason to expect that this blog would be any different.
NeuroDivergent Rebel was never meant to be another "Autism Blog." However, in the earliest days, I mostly talked about Autism and NeuroDiversity (because that's what was on my mind back then). It was supposed to be a blog about me (the NeuroDivergent Rebel), my life, thoughts, and ideas (as I worked to re-discover myself after finding out I'd been living a lie for most of my life).
Initially, my goal was not to build a community but rather to recover my lost sense of self, gain a deeper understanding of my own mind, and explore the spectrum of humanity and human minds as a whole.
I was looking for teachers and people to learn from (back then, I didn't know I'd one day become a trusted source of information).
NeuroDivergent Rebel (the Blog and the Person) Were Different in Those Days.
In the early days, I wrote a blog here and there but spent most of my time poking around on Twitter (back before Elon ruined it), engaging in conversations in the ActuallyAutistic hashtag, and asking questions in a tag I created (#AskingAutistics).
Sharing online allowed me to connect with others who were on similar journeys. I was sending up a beacon - "letting my freak flag fly" after a lifetime of working (and failing) at assimilation.
I expected people to stop (merely passers-by), but I didn't think anyone would stick around (or keep coming back for more).
I didn't know anything I had to say was particularly special (I also didn't think very highly of myself in general), so it was hard for me to believe other people would "see" something in me. However, as I continued to share my experiences, diving deeper, it became apparent that a community was forming around me.
Within just a few months, my Twitter account had quickly gained over 7,000 followers—a growth that I wasn't prepared for and a responsibility that I had to learn to manage quickly.
Driven by a deep longing for connection, I ventured into the digital realm, my vulnerabilities laid bare. I was raw and chronically dysregulated, with my triggers exposed and my coping mechanisms almost nonexistent. Yet, somehow, I managed to keep pushing forward.
If you've only been with me for a year or two, you missed out on the very unhealed version of me that started this blog - the version of me that very few people (including myself) had patience for.
I am a work in progress - trying to recover myself from a childhood that was more cruel than any child should endure, a journey filled with unspoken nightmares and deep wounds.
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I hope this helps,
- Lyric
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