Autistic Hyper-focus and Monotropism: Why Getting Hooked on The Wrong Topic Can Be Dangerous
I have to be very careful about what I allow myself to focus on because once something catches my attention (if I become hooked on a topic or idea), I may be unable to let it go.
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I have to be very careful about what I allow myself to focus on because once something catches my attention (if I become hooked on a topic or idea), I may be unable to let it go.
Monotropism (a person's tendency to focus their attention on a small number of interests at any time, tending to miss things outside of this attention tunnel) is a crucial aspect of my Autistic identity. There's not much in my day-to-day that my tendency towards Monotropism does not impact.
As if pulled by invisible external forces, things catch my interest, and I am drawn into them (often without realizing it's happening).
My hyper-focus (tendency to focus deeply on one thing so intensely that time flies by, and I forget the world around me - and my bodily needs - exists) is simultaneously my greatest asset and weakness, depending on the day.
I often can't let things go, even if I want to.
My focus (and special interests) are like a large vessel in an intense current that I can steer (but do not have complete control over). I can nudge my focus in the right direction, but it is hardly up to me if the current takes me with it (or not).
Often, by the time I realize I've fallen into the current of hyper-focus, it's too late (because I've already gone too deep, losing large blocks of time to whatever has stolen my attention) and will now be unable to get the new topic out of my mind, once it has taken hold.
If my attention tunnels into something positive and constructive (or at least on a problem I can solve), my Monotropic tendencies can be a positive force in my life.
If my attention latches onto an unsolvable problem or any other unhelpful thought, this tendency to focus so intensely on one thing at a time can be torture (when my mind gets stuck on a loop, looping over and over again on the same hopeless problem).
Through my healing journey over the past seven years, I have realized that sometimes I have to work extra hard to prevent myself from obsessing over various problems that I alone cannot solve (big world problems like war and climate change, for example).
I've had to stop watching the news, other than monitoring the current state of Trans and Queer rights in the US (a topic I WISH didn't strike me because I make myself sick with stress over it sometimes).
In the past, when I didn't understand how much my obsessions over the state of the world were harming me, I would expose myself to all kinds of media and topics without giving them a second thought.
Now, whenever I catch myself preparing to read news and articles in front of me, I have gotten into a habit of asking myself, "Can I afford for this to be my new full-time obsession?" (because I never know when an obsession will take hold of me) and "how would my mental health be impacted if this became all I can think about?" - because that's what happens when I hyperfocus on something it becomes one of the main themes in my head (even when I'm doing other things).
So, for example, if I'm obsessed with a murder or a serial killer or some tragic event with lots of death and dying, those things will creep into me. I will think about death and dying more, which isn't good if my mental health is on shaky ground (as someone who's battled ideation for their entire life).
I'm someone who experiences hyper-empathy; I have so much empathy in me that it's overwhelming sometimes, so overwhelming in fact that empathy overload is one of my top emotional shutdown triggers (because the pain and emotions of others overwhelm me).
Even if I can't name the sentiments, I feel them - deeply.
I have an intense emotional inner world; I feel EVERYTHING intensely (joy, anger, sorrow, hope, despair, loss), including empathy.
I can't even look at movies where actors are pretending to get hurt without feeling an intense physical reaction within myself, let alone actual violence and real pain.
People praise me for being "tough" without knowing how soft and sensitive I am.
I'm not tough. I just have firm boundaries and know what I can and cannot handle (though I didn't know this seven years ago when I was first diagnosed Autistic).