Autistic "Insistence on Sameness"... or Comfort in Familiarity?

One Autistic trait I fit was the kid who repeatedly watched the same movie (or scene of a film) or song (or small section of a piece). #ActuallyAutistic #AskingAutistics - do you do this too?

There are many Autistic stereotypes that I (like many Autistic People) won't fit into because people are more complex and varied than stereotypes are. However, because Autistics are also defined in a particular medical context, there are stereotypes that I (and many of us) will fit from time to time.

One Autistic trait I fit was the kid who repeatedly watched the same movie (or scene of a film) or song (or small section of a piece).

In addition to being Autistic, I also am ADHD (combined type). Being an Autistic ADHDer (or AuDHD) means I am of two conflicting "brains." The "Autistic Brain" likes routine, predictability, and sameness, and the ADHD brain is always dopamine searching, looking for entertainment like an insatiable itch.

To feed both wolves (brains), I constantly search for the perfect balance of predictable novelty (or dopamine) seeking, engaging in hobbies I can attain thrill through mastery and repetitive practice—music, skating, kayaking, hiking, paddle boarding, and physical exercise. These hobbies scratch an itch, always nagging and hungry for more, even when tired.

Sometimes I scratch this itch by watching one of my comfort movies (movies I can watch over and over again and still enjoy) or by listening to songs I've heard so many times I can play them back in my head, every lyric and note from start to finish.

Today, as we sit in an undisclosed parking lot, one of my favorite comfort movies, Disney's Cars, plays in the background as I write this piece. Like a song I love and get enough of, I've played this movie more times than I can count, memorizing the lines, visuals, and scenes.

The characters' humor and joy are contagious. The movie combines many of my special interests into one picture-cars, especially cars that go fast, Route 66, heavy Machines, and Disney movies. (I was still really into NASCAR when this movie came out, though I no longer follow the races and drivers.)

When I first saw the movie, I was instantly drawn to it, watching it repeatedly and memorizing the lines and details.

Whenever something activates my hyperfocus, my brain latches onto it, and I cannot shut it off. The thing becomes all I can think about. When I become hooked on a topic, I grow hungry to know everything there is to know about the subject that has grabbed me.

If it's a song that catches my interest, I want to know every note, lyric, and beat, and it becomes the only song I want to listen to.

If it's a movie, I want to know every line, and I may study the making background and history of the film or actors, memorizing facts and details most people don't care to know.

I am passionate. My focus is specific ("highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus," sometimes described as "excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests" in the medical context).

When something catches my interest, I often become fully engulfed in that interest (if circumstances allow access to that interest).

Skating, art, movies, and music are interests I've consistently been able to access since childhood. Still, other attractions, especially those that require money (like horseback riding, various circus arts that require rigging equipment, and ice skating), have been harder to access.

In addition to lack of money being an obstacle for me (and many Autistic People) in acquiring many skills around things I've been passionate about over the years, sensory challenges have also presented obstacles.

The world is frequently chaotic and hostile to those of us with sensitive sensory systems. Predictability, routine, and having as much information as possible are ways I make sense of the chaos. Excerpting control over the world (not designed with my needs taken into consideration) is how I prevent it from hurting me.