Coming Out Autistic and ADHD: Is Coming out NeuroDivergent Like Coming Out of the Closet?

Coming out nonbinary has been like coming out NeuroDivergent in many ways. Many people don't believe nonbinary people exist. Some people (too many) also don't believe Autism or ADHD exist either.

CONTENT WARNING: Discussions of Suicidal Ideation

I'm Lyric Rivera (they/them), a late identified Autistic ADHD adult (or AuDHD for short). 

That late-identified piece is crucial to my journey in life because I spent most of my life falsely believing that I was something I wasn't, a NeuroTypical person.

I didn't find out I was NeuroDivergent (someone whose brain diverges from what is considered "typical" for their time and culture) until I was 29 years old (when I was diagnosed Autistic). 

My ADHD was "officially identified" a few years later (in my mid-30s). Finding out I was ADHD was much less of a surprise to me (and those who know me) because I'd always presented a very stereotypical ADHD way. I'm combined type ADHD, hyperactive and inattentive, which (combined with Autism) was hard to hide.

It had been suggested that I might be ADHD many times throughout my life, starting in elementary school (when my guardians refused to allow the school to test me for learning disabilities because they feared I might be forcibly medicated). 

ADHD was "the big diagnosis" growing up in the '90s. My family didn't even believe ADHD was a thing back then, fearing this label and the medications that came with it could have lasting repercussions on my life. 

Many of the ADHDers (who were identified when I was a kid) are now adults and thanks to their lived experiences, I know that ADHD is real and that I have it. 

Since having my ADHD medically confirmed, I've been working on learning how being an ADHDer impacts my day-to-day life (just like I did when I realized I am Autistic).

In addition to being NeuroDivergent in multiple ways, I am also Queer at multiple intersections of my life. I am trans-nonbinary, pansexual, and polyamorous. 

Learning I was NeuroDivergent later in life, and the quest to uncover my most authentic self (outside of neuro-normativity), also led me to discover I was nonbinary (genderfluid, if you want to get specific). 

At the time of this realization, I'd already been somewhat of a "public figure" and, as a result, went through a very public transition beginning in the summer of 2020.

Transitioning while in the public eye (changing my name, pronouns, and appearance) gave me a crash course in the types of criticisms and hatred trans people face daily on a large scale.

Trans people online face daily hate; the larger our platforms reach, the more hate we get. 

I've blocked hundreds (if not thousands) of people from my social media spaces since coming out nonbinary in 2020 (because people on the internet can be a particular flavor of horrible). 

These aren't curious people who "simply don't understand" what a nonbinary or a trans person is. These violent bigots wish me and my readers harm, sometimes calling openly online for anyone willing to "take this tr*nn* out" and issuing death threats. 

I know trans (and Autistic) advocates and page owners who have been stalked, harassed, doxed, and even swatted by those who want trans people erased from public life. 

The people who hate Queer People want us to go back into the closets, back into hiding, back to denying who we are to make the cishet people more comfortable, but I can't return to the closet. I can't hide.

The last time I tried to hide, I became so burned out and depressed I almost ended it. That mental health crisis led to my Autism diagnosis nearly seven years ago. That crisis let me know I had to "come out" even when I didn't know (at the time) how much coming out I would be doing. 

Coming out nonbinary has been like coming out Autistic in many ways. 

Many people don't believe nonbinary people exist. Some people also don't believe Autism and Autistic People exist. 

If they believe in Autism (or nonbinary people), they tell me they don't believe me, insinuating (or outright saying) I am "faking" being Autistic, nonbinary, or both for attention. 

Unfortunately, too many people today will see a NeuroDivergent (or Queer) Person happy and thriving (without understanding the support and history that went into making that person who they are today). 

Accusers, who see me happy, empowered, and thriving for the first time in my life, didn't see what my life was like before I knew these truths about myself. They weren't there for the pain and suffering of not having the appropriate labels and terms to describe my identity.  

People who have been told or believe that being NeuroDivergent (or Queer) is a tragedy will reject information that contradicts their preconceived ideas about what a NeuroDivergent (or Queer) Person should be, and these attitudes can have deadly consequences. 

LGBTQIA/NeuroDivergent Intersectionality

Queer People are more likely to be NeuroDivergent. Until recently, a lot of the data in this area has been about Autistic People, including one of the most extensive studies to date (of five datasets including 641,860 people) that found that: 

Transgender and gender-nonconforming people are three to six times as likely to be Autistic compared to cisgender people.

While much of the recent attention has been on Autistic People, this association with gender identity is not specific to Autism. In two datasets, transgender and gender-diverse individuals also had elevated rates of ADHD, bipolar disorder, depression, OCD, learning disorders, and schizophrenia compared to cisgender individuals.

These connections aren't limited to Autistic and other NeuroDivergent people's experiences of gender but also how we experience (or don't experience) attraction to other people. For example, research from the University of Cambridge suggests that Autistics are less likely to identify as heterosexual and more likely to identify within a more diverse range of sexual orientations when compared to non-autistic people.

In the coming years, I hope to see more studies on how many people of other NeuroTypes (brain types) identify as Queer. 

Though the emerging data in this field is fascinating, part of me worries that groups who wish to harm NeuroDivergent and Queer People will try to twist this data to use it against us, as it was in the recent attempt at anti-Autistic, anti-trans legislation in Missouri, that attempted to exclude trans adults from accessing trans-affirming care if they are Autistic, or have a mental health condition (such as anxiety or depression) to be remedied before one can access care. 

Something our cis allies may not understand is that the feeling of gender incongruence (or gender dysphoria) causes anxiety and depression. Additionally, the cure that medical professionals agree on for the anxiety and depression from gender dysphoria is... being able to access transition. Being unable to access care would cause anxiety and depression for most trans people).

This law, had it gone into effect, would have excluded most trans adults from being able to access gender-affirming care (since Autistics are more likely to be trans and being Autistic is also lifelong and can't "be resolved" before someone accesses care). 

The panic and fear around "why so many Autistic People are trans" ignores the lived experiences of Autistic Trans People (intentionally). 

We didn't ask to be rescued because we didn't need help.

Autistic and other NeuroDivergent trans people are not confused. We know exactly who we are.

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