Holidays? I'm not a fan. #ActuallyAutistic #AskingAutistics: How do you feel about holidays?
There is an increased social pressure that comes around every holiday. Since learning I’m Autistic, I’ve pushed back, opting out and avoiding holidays whenever possible.
![Holidays? I'm not a fan. #ActuallyAutistic #AskingAutistics: How do you feel about holidays? There is an increased social pressure that comes around every holiday. Since learning I’m Autistic, I’ve pushed back, opting out and avoiding holidays whenever possible. Holidays are another social construct that seems nonsensical to me (as many things do). ATTENTION WRITERS: If you’re a writer, just trying to get started, or wanting to grow your existing audience, Substack could be a good way to get started (for free). You can start writing today. Use the button below to create your own Substack now (and connect your publication with the NeuroDivergent Rebel Substack). I've always struggled to see the point in conforming to and obeying social constructs (gender, clothing, time, capitalism, money), and holidays are no different for me (in that I struggle to see the point of them). Why do we only see our families and loved ones on pre-determined "special" occasions a few times yearly? Why do we have to buy each other gifts in a similar fashion (birthdays and holidays instead of whenever we feel like it)? Why do we pressure people to buy each other gifts even if they can't afford them? Maybe it's the Autism and my aversion to a disruption in my routine. There is an increased social pressure that comes around every holiday. Since learning I’m Autistic, I’ve pushed back, opting out and avoiding holidays whenever possible. My aversion to holidays, while empowering for me, can come across to loved ones as an aversion to them. While I strongly dislike Christmas, some family members care about it, for example. Also, while I would prefer to visit with someone one-on-one in a quiet setting, some of my family members enjoy things I find overwhelming (like having many people gathered in one space). I say no to some things (for myself), but there are things I may say yes to occasionally (for other people). Holidays are one of those things - if I have the energy for them, you might see me, but if not, I won’t feel guilty about skipping out without explanation. I do have exceptions to my dislike for holidays and traditions: Birthdays, one day each year, to celebrate each person. I celebrate my birthday like my own version of New Year's, using it as a time to set my intentions for the next year of my life. I struggle to remember other people’s birthdays, but (if I remember them) I love using birthdays as a day to make someone I love feel special. I don’t feel this should be limited to one day - I try to make my loved ones feel special year-round. Halloween (my favorite holiday because I'm a witchy person who loves costumes and all things dark, scary, and creepy). Something about costumes, cosplay, and becoming a character was very welcoming to my young, undiscovered, NeuroDivergent mind. As I grew older, I was still attracted to activities that lent themselves to playing out characters and wearing costumes (theatre groups, renaissance fares, role-playing games, and cosplay). Halloween was the one holiday that played into this passion. It was mine, and I loved it. Paid subscribers have access to the rest of this post as thanks for supporting my work. I’m creating a new community on Substack, and I hope you’ll join me as a free member. I also have paid subscriptions that are only $5/month (less if you subscribe annually) if you want access to bonus content. To receive new posts (like this one) delivered directly to your inbox 2-3 times each week, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Free subscribers get content, too! Everyone gets something (because I believe education should be accessible). Halloween was also the one holiday that upset the “conservative Christians” who would often fight to remove Halloween events from places when I was a kid. As a child forced to suffer through many “Church holidays,” this felt like a personal attack. I sat through Easter and tolerated the sensory overload, unpredictability, and stress of Christmas every year, and they wanted to take Halloween away from me. Not a chance. At a young age, I decided (for multiple reasons) that one of my biggest enemies was “the church” - who I felt overstepped their boundaries in many areas, but especially in regards to their attack on Halloween. Most “Christian” holidays and traditions were stolen from Pagan ones or had Pagan origins - something many modern “Christians” will deny (which isn’t surprising considering what previous generations of “Christians” did to the Pagans). So much of it is a lie, not biblical at all. Almost all of it serves capitalism more than a god or anything else. At least New Year’s Eve helps me remember to start writing a new year when I type the date out in forms. What the heck is “Valentine’s Day”? Am I the Grinch, but I dislike ALL the holidays instead of just disliking Christmas? Or is it my PDA and the compelled nature of these things rubbing me the wrong way? Please don’t wish us a “happy Thanksgiving.” My feelings about “Thanksgiving” could easily take up this entire piece. Thanksgiving is a lie created as a way to spread anti-indigenous propaganda. Stories of a peaceful dinner celebration were manufactured as a way to justify westward expansion through Manifest Destiny (a belief white American settlers had a divine right to steal the entire continent of North America, murdering indigenous people who stood in their way). It is also a celebration of genocide (and even if you “don’t see” it that way or “choose not to celebrate for those reasons”), you are choosing to ignore the harm (and helping to perpetuate the lies). For years, I sat at dining tables, keeping my discomfort to myself, but since I’ve found my voice, this is one day David and I do not celebrate. We use this day (and the days surrounding it) as a time of reflection and mourning for the injustices that have happened on (and to) this land since this nation’s founding (and learning about parts of our history we weren’t taught in school). We want no part in it. Holidays? I'm not a fan. #ActuallyAutistic #AskingAutistics: How do you feel about holidays? There is an increased social pressure that comes around every holiday. Since learning I’m Autistic, I’ve pushed back, opting out and avoiding holidays whenever possible. Holidays are another social construct that seems nonsensical to me (as many things do). ATTENTION WRITERS: If you’re a writer, just trying to get started, or wanting to grow your existing audience, Substack could be a good way to get started (for free). You can start writing today. Use the button below to create your own Substack now (and connect your publication with the NeuroDivergent Rebel Substack). I've always struggled to see the point in conforming to and obeying social constructs (gender, clothing, time, capitalism, money), and holidays are no different for me (in that I struggle to see the point of them). Why do we only see our families and loved ones on pre-determined "special" occasions a few times yearly? Why do we have to buy each other gifts in a similar fashion (birthdays and holidays instead of whenever we feel like it)? Why do we pressure people to buy each other gifts even if they can't afford them? Maybe it's the Autism and my aversion to a disruption in my routine. There is an increased social pressure that comes around every holiday. Since learning I’m Autistic, I’ve pushed back, opting out and avoiding holidays whenever possible. My aversion to holidays, while empowering for me, can come across to loved ones as an aversion to them. While I strongly dislike Christmas, some family members care about it, for example. Also, while I would prefer to visit with someone one-on-one in a quiet setting, some of my family members enjoy things I find overwhelming (like having many people gathered in one space). I say no to some things (for myself), but there are things I may say yes to occasionally (for other people). Holidays are one of those things - if I have the energy for them, you might see me, but if not, I won’t feel guilty about skipping out without explanation. I do have exceptions to my dislike for holidays and traditions: Birthdays, one day each year, to celebrate each person. I celebrate my birthday like my own version of New Year's, using it as a time to set my intentions for the next year of my life. I struggle to remember other people’s birthdays, but (if I remember them) I love using birthdays as a day to make someone I love feel special. I don’t feel this should be limited to one day - I try to make my loved ones feel special year-round. Halloween (my favorite holiday because I'm a witchy person who loves costumes and all things dark, scary, and creepy). Something about costumes, cosplay, and becoming a character was very welcoming to my young, undiscovered, NeuroDivergent mind. As I grew older, I was still attracted to activities that lent themselves to playing out characters and wearing costumes (theatre groups, renaissance fares, role-playing games, and cosplay). Halloween was the one holiday that played into this passion. It was mine, and I loved it. Paid subscribers have access to the rest of this post as thanks for supporting my work. I’m creating a new community on Substack, and I hope you’ll join me as a free member. I also have paid subscriptions that are only $5/month (less if you subscribe annually) if you want access to bonus content. To receive new posts (like this one) delivered directly to your inbox 2-3 times each week, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Free subscribers get content, too! Everyone gets something (because I believe education should be accessible). Halloween was also the one holiday that upset the “conservative Christians” who would often fight to remove Halloween events from places when I was a kid. As a child forced to suffer through many “Church holidays,” this felt like a personal attack. I sat through Easter and tolerated the sensory overload, unpredictability, and stress of Christmas every year, and they wanted to take Halloween away from me. Not a chance. At a young age, I decided (for multiple reasons) that one of my biggest enemies was “the church” - who I felt overstepped their boundaries in many areas, but especially in regards to their attack on Halloween. Most “Christian” holidays and traditions were stolen from Pagan ones or had Pagan origins - something many modern “Christians” will deny (which isn’t surprising considering what previous generations of “Christians” did to the Pagans). So much of it is a lie, not biblical at all. Almost all of it serves capitalism more than a god or anything else. At least New Year’s Eve helps me remember to start writing a new year when I type the date out in forms. What the heck is “Valentine’s Day”? Am I the Grinch, but I dislike ALL the holidays instead of just disliking Christmas? Or is it my PDA and the compelled nature of these things rubbing me the wrong way? Please don’t wish us a “happy Thanksgiving.” My feelings about “Thanksgiving” could easily take up this entire piece. Thanksgiving is a lie created as a way to spread anti-indigenous propaganda. Stories of a peaceful dinner celebration were manufactured as a way to justify westward expansion through Manifest Destiny (a belief white American settlers had a divine right to steal the entire continent of North America, murdering indigenous people who stood in their way). It is also a celebration of genocide (and even if you “don’t see” it that way or “choose not to celebrate for those reasons”), you are choosing to ignore the harm (and helping to perpetuate the lies). For years, I sat at dining tables, keeping my discomfort to myself, but since I’ve found my voice, this is one day David and I do not celebrate. We use this day (and the days surrounding it) as a time of reflection and mourning for the injustices that have happened on (and to) this land since this nation’s founding (and learning about parts of our history we weren’t taught in school). We want no part in it.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4b04089f-1020-4e5a-86bc-d3d10a88e46d_2240x1260.jpeg)
Holidays are another social construct that seems nonsensical to me (as many things do).
I've always struggled to see the point in conforming to and obeying social constructs (gender, clothing, time, capitalism, money), and holidays are no different for me (in that I struggle to see the point of them).
Why do we only see our families and loved ones on pre-determined "special" occasions a few times yearly?
Why do we have to buy each other gifts in a similar fashion (birthdays and holidays instead of whenever we feel like it)?
Why do we pressure people to buy each other gifts even if they can't afford them?
Maybe it's the Autism and my aversion to a disruption in my routine.
There is an increased social pressure that comes around every holiday. Since learning I’m Autistic, I’ve pushed back, opting out and avoiding holidays whenever possible.
My aversion to holidays, while empowering for me, can come across to loved ones as an aversion to them.
While I strongly dislike Christmas, some family members care about it, for example. Also, while I would prefer to visit with someone one-on-one in a quiet setting, some of my family members enjoy things I find overwhelming (like having many people gathered in one space).
I say no to some things (for myself), but there are things I may say yes to occasionally (for other people).
Holidays are one of those things - if I have the energy for them, you might see me, but if not, I won’t feel guilty about skipping out without explanation.
I do have exceptions to my dislike for holidays and traditions:
Birthdays, one day each year, to celebrate each person.
I celebrate my birthday like my own version of New Year's, using it as a time to set my intentions for the next year of my life.
I struggle to remember other people’s birthdays, but (if I remember them) I love using birthdays as a day to make someone I love feel special. I don’t feel this should be limited to one day - I try to make my loved ones feel special year-round.
Halloween (my favorite holiday because I'm a witchy person who loves costumes and all things dark, scary, and creepy).
Something about costumes, cosplay, and becoming a character was very welcoming to my young, undiscovered, NeuroDivergent mind.
As I grew older, I was still attracted to activities that lent themselves to playing out characters and wearing costumes (theatre groups, renaissance fares, role-playing games, and cosplay). Halloween was the one holiday that played into this passion. It was mine, and I loved it.
Paid subscribers have access to the rest of this post as thanks for supporting my work.
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