"I do that, and I'm NOT Autistic!" Are you SURE?

Sometimes, people who say they "are not Autistic" actually ARE Autistic (but may not know it... yet). They're not trying to be dismissive.

Has this ever happened to you?:

You finally feel safe enough to open up to someone about being Autistic and start to explain what it's like to live a day in your head, and the other person responds, "I do that, but I'm not Autistic." 

"I do that too!" is most likely not the response you were looking for, and it used to be one of my least favorite responses to get from people when telling them I am NeuroDivergent (because of how dismissive the statement can feel). At least it's better than the very similar "Everyone does that!" or "Lots of people who aren't Autistic do that too." It's not much better, but it's still better. 

"I do that, and I'm not Autistic!" and "I do that too" are (in my opinion) better than similar alternatives. Why? 

Sometimes, people who say they "are not Autistic" actually ARE Autistic (but may not know it... yet). They're not trying to be dismissive. These undiscovered Autistic People often can recognize things they experience when Autistic People share what being Autistic is like but will not acknowledge those experiences as being related to having an Autistic mind (because they don't know they have an Autistic mind) and will often chalk their Autistic traits up to other things - creating frustration and confusion when self-aware and unaware Autistic (and other NeuroDivergent) People try to communicate with one another. This phenomenon isn't limited to Autistic People either. 

A comic book style sticker of the word “STOP!”

Undiscovered Autistic and other NeuroDivergent People see themselves very differently than NeuroDivergent People who've had time to grow into (and fully understand and embrace) what being NeuroDivergent means for them. They often don't know what Autism and various brain types are (outside of very narrow medical lenses and common stereotypes). The cognitive dissonance (a NeuroDivergent Person being unable to accept or see oneself as NeuroDivergent) can be even more significant for Autistic and other NeuroDivergent People who stray from common stereotypes compared to those who more closely fit society's common assumptions. 

Undiscovered NeuroDivergent People also don't mean to be rude or offensive when they say, "I do that too!" They are trying to show they relate to our experiences. When they state, "But I'm not Autistic" (or NeuroDivergent), I always add "as far as I know" to their statements in my head.

I've been "that person" - the one who didn't understand my own mind, shackled by years of internalized neuro-phobia and ableism. Doing everything I could to hide parts of me I was groomed to believe were unworthy and pressuring everyone around me to do the same. 

I almost said, "I'm not Autistic, and I do that!" to an Autistic Person who was sharing with our Acrobatic Yoga group what it was like to be Autistic many years ago (when I didn't know I was Autistic yet)... I would have said it had we not been in a group where the conversation kept moving too quickly for me to jump in. 

My indecisiveness saved me, but the moment made an impression on me. Years later (after finally receiving my own Autism diagnosis), I was compelled to write that person, the first openly Autistic Person I ever met (whom I'd not spoken to in years) a Facebook message and let them know, recap the event, and ask if they knew I was Autistic back then. Their answer was, "Of course! But it wasn't my place to say." 

Autistic People (and other NeuroDivergent People) can often recognize one another(even if we don't have words for what we recognize). We can be drawn to one another without understanding what we're attracted to. 

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