I Was Told to Get a "Real Job." It Nearly Ended Me - How Society's Dream Became My Nightmare
The Jobs I Loved Were "Shameful." The One They Praised Almost Killed Me. - From Corporate Burnout to Authentic Self: The Prestige Trap: How Chasing a "Respectable" Career Shattered Me
Nine years ago, I hit rock bottom.
After a lifetime of disowning myself in favor of others, putting my needs and comfort aside, making myself small, and living a life that I felt was 'expected of me' (but not a life I wanted or enjoyed), I found myself in a life that was no longer sustainable (or enjoyable) and it nearly killed me.
Welcome back to another Founding Member Post!
Twice each month I will put out an exclusive post like this one (often on a more intimate and personal topic, book sneak peeks, OR featuring some of the training materials I’m teaching) that will be brought to you by and for our Founding Members.
When I am scheduling this post, we have Forty Three Founding Members!
I won’t put them on the spot today, but you know who you are. I can’t thank you enough for your support (especially in this moment).
Throughout my life, I'd been told I should strive for a "real job in an office," as if all the other jobs I had (the ones I'd enjoyed) were not of value.
My earliest aspirations were to be an artist, and then (before I got vocal scarring), I had desired to be a musician, and then a writer. Still, all of these dreams were discouraged by teachers and other adults in my life, who insisted that music, writing, and art were "hobbies, not jobs" and would lead me to a life of "a starving artist" (which I somehow eventually still found myself in).
I started my first job when I was just 11 years old, helping out my mom in the family business (where I was paid a fair wage for a kid who already had a roof over their head).
Under Mom's watchful eye, I learned many valuable skills (inventory control, bookkeeping, banking, how to talk to clients, and how to book appointments) that would guide me into the professional world.
At sixteen, I left the family business to work in a fast food restaurant, where I served as a roller skating server, mostly living off the tips I earned.
After that, I moved into another job I loved (that my family was proud of), working at a computer company in the materials management department (inventory control). This, to my critics, was "a real job." However, it was short-lived, as soon after (within about 6-9 months), the company began sending its manufacturing jobs overseas, and it laid off most of the American team members (me included).
After being let go from the computer company (during the financial crisis of 2008), there were not many jobs available, so I went to retail, working at an adult media and toy store (we sold sèx tøys and pørn), and it ended up being one of my favorite jobs ever.
All three of these jobs were not just jobs; they were enjoyable and validating experiences. The work itself was energizing to me. Still, only one of these jobs was considered a 'real job' by the people around me.
"You don't want to work in fast food forever!" people would say. Then, when I moved to adult retail, I was told by a family member, "If you take that job, we'll tell people you're unemployed."
Despite my great enjoyment of my fast food and retail jobs, the constant disapproval from the people in my life often left me feeling disheartened and undervalued. I allowed their disapproval to influence me, even though I found the work energizing and validating.
After a manager change at my retail job, I no longer felt I was being treated fairly, so I started looking for new employment opportunities.
I'd agreed to be the "interim manager" for my store (without a pay adjustment), and was told "it was a test," but found out the whole time they had never planned to give the store to me, because they had another manager whose store was about to close (which none of us had been told) who would need a place to go.
The lies, dishonesty, and manipulation ultimately ruined the job for me.
I couldn't watch the new manager (who was used to working in a slow, failing store) ruin my high volume store (while expecting me to keep running it for him as he got the pay, schedule, and credit for the work I did), so I started looking for something else-the "real job" people had told me I needed my entire life.
The next job I found myself in (the one that almost killed me) was at a company that did corporate marketing and events.
Finally, I had a "real job" - one my family could be proud of.
The company I worked for often bragged about "how lucky" people were to have the privilege of working for such a "prestigious" organization (that got 500+ applicants a year but only took on a few people each year).
My boss also made sure to let me know that I, specifically, "was fortunate to be given a chance," because "people like me" (who weren't college-educated) weren't typically who they hired. This "you should be grateful for the chance to work for us" mindset was used to exploit us, making us feel like if we didn't give "more" than what was "officially" required of us, we'd be replaced by one of the many people who wanted our jobs (who would gladly work 60+ hours a week without getting paid extra for it).
This job was the kind that you "can't turn off," because even in our off-time, we were expected to be "on."
