NeuroDiversity as a Tool for Unlocking Compassion (for the Self and Others)
Learning about NeuroDiversity has helped me learn how to make fewer assumptions about the people around me and given me better ways to engage more effectively and compassionately with people.
Discovering the truth about my mind and the concept of NeuroDiversity was a transformative journey that empowered me in countless ways. The most significant impact was the newfound clarity that came with this awareness, shaping my compassion for myself and others.
Before I found myself deeply engrossed in the world of NeuroDiversity, my understanding of myself (and others) was limited.
The realization that there is a broad spectrum of human experiences (shaped by our perceptions and influenced by our brain structures and unique neurological makeups) was enlightening, opening my mind to many new possibilities.
For most of my life, I lived under the false assumption that we all had very similar skills and ways of perceiving and engaging with the world. This assumption, heavily influenced by societal norms and expectations, led me to believe that the main thing that separated 'successful' and 'skilled' people from people like me was the amount of effort each person put into things... or so I thought. It was a struggle to break free from these misconceptions.
This way of viewing myself and others as all the same was flawed in many ways. It also hindered my compassion, making it more difficult to empathize with myself (and the people around me) whenever I perceived myself (or someone else) as not trying hard enough (even if I'd done my best or they'd done their very best).
Other people were annoying because their actions, mannerisms, and intentions seemed unpredictable and chaotic to me.
It wasn't "me"; it was "everyone else" who was ridiculous and illogical (I thought... before finding out that it was my brain that was, in fact, not quite average).
Why couldn't they be more like me? Why did they expect me to be more like them?
Why were they so mean? Why couldn't they just leave me alone?
Growing up, other people were a mystery, confusing, and often cruel.
On the other hand, non-human animals were some of my closest friends because they were more straightforward, kinder, and easier for me to have compassion for (since they were often more compassionate with me than my human peers were).
Little Me found comfort in the friendships developed with various creatures because, with animals (though the shy ones may take time to build trust), as long as you are good to them, they're generally good to you (unlike many humans).
Non-human animals judge you on your actions instead of your words. Similarly, animals don't use words to twist and conceal their actions and intentions (as humans often do).
Eventually, after years of being bullied, picked on, and harassed by both peers and adults in power who were supposed to protect me, I became cynical and untrusting of other humans. This experience deeply affected my ability to empathize and have compassion for my human counterparts.
While I had all the empathy and compassion in the world for my animal friends, a part of me struggled to have that same empathy or sympathy for the humans around me (whom I struggled to make sense of).
I could give animals a "pass," but I held humans to a higher standard because I always felt like humans should know better (despite being no different from other animals in most ways).
Self-Compassion & Healing
Eventually, after years of experiencing cruelty and unkindness from the people around me, I became cruel and unkind to myself.
Over time, I grew to lack compassion for myself, mainly due to the absence of compassion I'd received from others throughout my life. This lack of self-compassion seeped into my relationships and interactions with those around me.
People demoralized me, pressuring me to "try harder," frequently insisting that my best wasn't enough, even when I'd put maximum effort into something. So, I started pushing myself past my breaking point (making myself physically and mentally ill from doing so regularly), insisting people around me engage in the same unhealthy habit.
People around me pressured me to tone down (also known as camouflaging or masking) my NeuroDivergent traits so that I could "behave more appropriately" and assimilate, so (when I didn't realize I was NeuroDivergent yet) I started doing the same to the NeuroDivergent People around me (without understanding what I was doing or why, other than because it was what I was trained to do from a young age).
Generations ago, the powers that be in this world set a normative standard. This standard is enforced from the top via media distribution and consumption, education systems, policing, formal punitive behavioral programs, and medical systems (that all push people towards one way of existing and being), forcing assimilation or locking away those who cannot (or do not wish to) conform. This standard is also enforced in our peer-to-peer interactions (thanks to the anti-NeuroDivergent social programming most of us receive throughout our lives, starting at an early age).
We're all trained on how to behave, and many of us are also trained to keep one another in line.
People mocked, scolded, belittled, and punished me for expressing my NeuroDivergent traits, causing me to feel ashamed of things I had little to no control over, encouraging me to tone myself down so as not to be "too much" for the various environments I entered.
Despite my best efforts, it always seemed that I was "too much," "not enough," or a somehow combination of being both "too much" and also "not enough" simultaneously.
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I hope this helps,
- Lyric
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