Protecting My Space, Protecting Myself - Regulating My World, Regulating Myself

Controlling my environment is a way to protect myself from triggers that can lead to various types of overloads (meltdowns, sensory, emotional, etc.).

Our world has been designed NOT to trigger neuro-average people.

Our world is primarily designed to cater to the needs of NeuroTypical (or neuro-average) people, those whose cognitive and neurological development is within the typical range, often at the expense of those of us whose minds fall outside those narrow margins (NeuroDivergent People/those in the Neuro-Minority).

Because neuro-average people live in a world optimized for their needs, they aren't getting set off by everyday things (that can hinder NeuroDivergent people's success).

Additionally, because NeuroDivergent people are in the minority, the things that trigger us are not seen as 'socially acceptable,' while triggers that are more common among NeuroTypical individuals are seen as reasonable.

It's an unfair experience that once an adult, one must maintain composure and control over one's emotions unless you are overwhelmed by something considered 'socially acceptable' for people to react to. However, at 37, I still struggle to regulate myself more often than I admit. This societal expectation can feel deeply unfair for NeuroDivergent individuals.  

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As a multiply-NeuroDivergent Person, I often find that the world isn't built with my needs in mind.

My needs are frequently neglected, forgotten, or even seen as a problem for others in shared spaces, where control over the situation must be relinquished.

Lyric, with long black hair and green ends, smiling at the camera and leaning forward while posing in their RV.

For most of my life, when I did not know I was NeuroDivergent, I let other people tell me what I needed, which led me to neglect and become out of touch with my needs (so badly that I didn't know what they were). The journey of self-discovery and understanding my needs, a significant and empowering process, has been a powerful experience for me.

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When I did not know myself, I repressed myself.

Back when I didn't know I was NeuroDivergent, ignoring and tuning out my discomfort was my primary survival skill (whether I was ignoring sensory discomfort, avoiding conflict by not speaking up about my needs, forgetting traumatic memories, and avoiding anything that might remind me of them, or distracting myself from my unmet needs, unhealed triggers, and feelings).

The ways in which I used to neglect my own needs (feelings, sensory, mental health, etc.) held me back, preventing me from getting my needs met.

When I did not know the truth about my brain, I pushed myself to act like the people around me (whose brains were very different from mine). I also had weak boundaries and let them 'set the bars', mimicking and emulating them and denying my own wants, needs, hopes, and desires—masking or camouflaging myself to be one of them, molding myself in their image.

Taking My Power Back

Learning the truth about my multiply-neurodivergent brain (and NeuroDiversity in general) helped me shift my thinking away from repressing myself toward exercising control over my environment (instead of being at its mercy as I had been for most of my life).

Since learning about myself, exercising control over my environment has become a way for me to protect myself from triggers that can lead to various types of overloads (meltdowns, sensory, emotional, etc.), but I didn't instantly know how to do this.

I had to teach myself how to evaluate my wants and needs, how to set boundaries and say no to people, and how to speak up for myself in my thirties after being diagnosed Autistic at the age of 29.

In the beginning (after a lifetime of denying myself), there was a bit of an over-correction as I bristled up, quick to say no to anything that gave me even the slightest "nope" feeling.

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I hope this helps,
- Lyric