Shattering Stigma: Beyond Autistic Meltdowns - Normalizing Big Feelings and Overwhelm
The Weight of Unexpressed Emotions: Breaking the Silence & Embracing Emotional Authenticity
I learned to repress (instead of express) because people reacted poorly to me whenever I tried to share what I wanted, needed, and felt.
I swallowed my rage, discomfort, worries, and pain over and over again (because I was used to people around me not giving me space to express my feelings and needs).
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I learned to "bottle it all up" because I had no external outlet for my experiences.
Everything that is unexpressed is "put away" or "on pause" and placed in a holding area (which has limited space). Raw and unprocessed emotions become flammable fuel for a mental explosion (if they're not "vented" before it's too late).
As a multiply-NeuroDivergent Person (whose also Queer in multiple ways), I find myself "putting things away" frequently because much of my experience is beyond what others can understand (or have space for).
For most of my life, I found I had a very "large container," allowing me to store pain until my container would fill up. Then, when too much pain accumulated, eventually, I would overflow (melting down), making room to swallow more suffering.
I've been thinking a lot about "Autistic Meltdowns" recently, how they are similar to other types of overloads, what causes them, and what people need to prevent and recover from them.
I've been reflecting on the fact that Autistic Overloads have their own name, pondering "why" our overloads have their own name when everyone occasionally gets overloaded.
I've been thinking about how I (and many other Autistic People) start the day with my emotional load already "at capacity."
I've been reflecting on how much easier my days are when I can start with "more space" in my container (compared to beginning when I'm already ready to overflow) and how our society's design contributes to my constantly being spread too thin.
Would non-autistic people be overwhelmed more frequently (if they lived in a world not designed for them)?
What changes could we make to our society to make it more inclusive for everyone?
It's time to reconsider our societal design.
Our world currently caters to non-autistic people, but imagine how much easier life would be if it also considered the needs of Autistics (and other NeuroDivergent People).
For the most part, Autistics overload is not that different from overload in non-autistics, with two main differences:
The Triggers
The world we live in has been designed by (and for) non-autistic people; the world as we know it has LITERALLY been designed NOT to trigger non-autistic people.
Non-autistic people live in a world optimized for their needs. They aren't getting set off by everyday things that can hinder Autistic success).
On the other hand, the things that trigger me are everywhere, integrated into modern society:
Fluorescent lighting, strong smells, crowded-echoey spaces, surprises, last-minute plan changes (without grace when I need to process new information), and expectations that I behave, act and communicate as non-autistics do (although our brains are very different).
Additionally, because Autistic People are in the minority, the things that trigger us, such as sensory overload, are not seen as 'socially acceptable.' In contrast, non-autistic triggers, like stress from work or relationships, are seen by society as 'reasonable.'
The Intensity
Many (not all) Autistic People have intense emotional experiences.
Since our internal emotional experiences can be powerful when we feel strong emotions, our outward expressions match what we feel inside.
If you've ever had a panic attack, you know what being overwhelmed and afraid feels like. It's not a pleasant feeling.
Autistic overwhelms share a few traits with panic attacks, in that there's an intense emotional fear response, and the adrenaline starts pumping through your body.
I feel as if I'm in grave danger, and I may experience feelings of wanting to escape or get out of whatever situation I am in (even if escape is impossible or unsafe).
Some Autistic (and other NeuroDivergent People) may experience their emotions more intensely and have less impulse control. Because of this, our reactions to overloads (of all types) can seem bigger than those of people who experience their emotions less intensely (or have more impulse control).
Imagine a world where everyone is met with compassion and understanding.
In such a world, I would be overwhelmed much less frequently (because when I remove myself from the world and people who 'get me,' I am overwhelmed and meltdown less). This underscores the crucial role of understanding and compassion in reducing the frequency of meltdowns.
Knowledge is Power
When I was newly diagnosed and didn't know the types of situations I should avoid, I had much more frequent meltdowns and other kinds of overloads. However, as I gained knowledge about my triggers and learned to remove them from my environment, the frequency of my meltdowns decreased. This highlights the empowering role of knowledge in managing meltdowns.
What IF our world was LESS triggering for people like me?
For instance, what if there were more quiet spaces in public areas or if sensory-friendly lighting and other sensory friendly designs were more common?
What IF people understood meltdowns (and other kinds of overloads)?
What if people acted compassionately when they saw someone breaking down (instead of judging them for not "keeping it together")?
What if it wasn't "shameful" to have big feelings or become overwhelmed?
These are just a few changes that could make a significant difference.
#ActuallyAutistic #AskingAutistics - what would you change about the world to make it "less overwhelming" for you?
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What would I change?
* Keep earplugs available in loud places, and make them easy to find (even at Disneyland, which up until this year was incredibly inclusive for disabled people, it was nearly impossible to find earplugs)
* Understand that low-sensory rooms are not just for kids!
* Designers would include the users of their accommodations (sensory rooms, accessible tech, etc.) throughout the design process instead of just assuming and handing them to us.
Yes to all of this! I'm so thankful for your insight.