The Bare Minimum - Learning to Be Kind to Myself

The Ebb and Flow of Mental Health - From Burnout to Balance: My Story

Though I've not taken a proper "break" from social media in years, I'd been quieter than usual on my platforms for the past few months because my mental health (which has started improving recently) had declined.

I won't get into the triggers that sent me into this downward spiral. Still, I will say that when I was at my lowest, I didn't have the energy to do much of what I usually can, and though things have been getting better, my energy levels still haven't returned all the way to normal.

When in "that place" (the dark mental space where everything seems overwhelming and exhausting), I slipped back into survival mode (a state I've not been in since I finally crawled out of burnout a few years ago).

In survival mode, sometimes all we can manage is doing "the bare minimum" because sometimes that (the bare minimum) is all we have energy for. I used to feel shame about this, but I have become much more unapologetic about it recently.

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I know burnout and survival mode intimately.

Being burned out (anxious and depressed) is what led me to be diagnosed as Autistic at the age of 29 finally (and ADHD a few years later).

Being burned out is being in survival mode... being depressed (in my experience) can be somewhat similar.

Eight years ago, I was only a few weeks post Autism diagnosis. I was also still in burnout (and would continue to fight, clawing myself out of burnout for the next five years).

Photo of Lyric 8 years ago, in the peak of their burnout. They have messy red hair and appear frail and ill.

When I was burned out (triggered by extended periods I was spending in a toxic and exploitive work environment that was the opposite of inclusive), and in survival mode, I was too tired to have a life (so my life slipped away).

Too exhausted for anything (other than work), my life started to fall apart. I gave up all my hobbies and passions. I gave up most of my friends. I imploded, retreating so far into myself that nobody (not even people who were physically close enough to touch me) could reach me.

When I was burned out, I "stepped away" from my life, but life kept going without me.

My burnout lasted for over five years, and when I finally started to emerge from it, it was too late. The damage was done.

I'd lost so much and had harmed (or completely ruined) my relationships with most of the people I cared about (some I may never get back or repair fully).

I didn't want to "step away" from my life; I couldn't keep up with the increased demands, so I fell apart (and it took years to piece myself back together).

My Recent Derailment

Watching myself "fall apart" this spring and summer after the years of work "reconstructing myself" was like watching a train derailment in slow motion (wondering how far I was going to fall).

Once upon a time, when I didn't know better (yet), I would have pushed myself to "do more," feeling a deep shame for not being able to keep up with everything I can manage when I am at my best. However, these days, I am more aware that our "best" varies daily.

With my most recent mental health decline (that I've only started to feel lifting in the last two weeks), I gave myself permission to "do" and "take on" less (once I noticed the spiral).

Because I tend to be an "all or nothing" type of person, it's hard for me to "step away" from anything, especially something like my NeuroDivergent Rebel space, for multiple reasons (even when I desperately need a break).

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I hope this helps,
- Lyric