Unraveling Trust: The Challenges of Social Interactions as an Autistic Adult

The Struggle to Connect: Navigating Trust and Social Anxiety as an Autistic Person

As an Autistic Person, one of my greatest struggles is the constant battle to express myself in a way that won't be misinterpreted.

While I focus on the words I use, many people have a knack for reading between the lines, assuming there are hidden messages that I never intended to convey.

Old photo of Lyric, in their mid-20s, with hot pink and purple hair, matching lipstick, makeup, and shirt.

My trust used to be unwavering, and I took people at their word. Only after being repeatedly hurt by dishonest individuals did I realize the prevalence of lies, manipulation, and insincerity. These experiences have significantly impacted my ability to trust and form relationships.

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If someone says they're doing well or don't mind something, my natural tendency (before trauma) was to believe people based on their words regardless of tone and expression (unless they were so obviously misaligned that even I could see it). However, people expect me (us) to "pick up" on their "tone" and "dig deeper" into what they "didn't say" when speaking—to uncover their lies.

I don't understand how it's my job to decode people who lie to me about how they feel. If people want to lie, why is it my problem when I believe their lies (and not the problem of the person who told the lie in the first place)?

"You should have known" (what they didn't tell you) - it doesn't make sense!

Being constantly lied to (and manipulated) has made me more guarded over the years. It has significantly impacted my mental health, leading to increased anxiety and a sense of isolation.

I'm much more skeptical of people I don't know these days (when trusting and seeing the good in people used to be my default). I am also much more closed off with people and hesitant to let new people close (preventing them from getting to "know me" and my weaknesses).  

I stick to the “safe people” like David, who have been carefully vetted.

Photo of Lyric and David, dressed in black, sitting on the sidewalk, in front of a flower mural.

For me, determining if someone is 'safe' involves observing their consistency, honesty, kindness (to humans and animals), and respect for my boundaries. This process takes time and careful observation, which can be isolating (because people expect me to be "faster" at figuring this stuff out and lose patience with me).

Even now, I struggle to trust myself to know if I'm attracting someone with ill intentions, and this distrust of the self further complicates things for me.

My fear keeps me isolated.

That's "social anxiety" (the other diagnosis I received when I found out I was Autistic eight years ago). Still, this diagnosis (social anxiety) never felt right to me because I thought (and still feel) that my fear of people was justified.

My apprehension and "social phobia" is based on past experiences of being misunderstood, harmed, bullied, mocked, punished, and scolded by those around me (for simply being "me"). It is a reminder of the pain and how I keep myself as safe as possible, but it also limits me significantly.

I don't want to lead my relationships with fear. Still, I've had so many bad experiences of being harmed, mocked, scolded, and misunderstood by those around me for simply being "me" that it's hard not to start any relationship on the defensive.

I often feel lonely but don't know how to push past my fear and connect.

It is hard for me to give my trust despite knowing deep bonds and wounds like mine are healed through loving, trusting relationships with safe people.

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I hope this helps,
- Lyric