When "Treat Others How You Want To Be Treated" May Be Harmful

Why treating people "how you want to be treated" isn't the answer when considering NeuroDiversity.

I'm Autistic and ADHD (or AuDHD), but for the first part of my life, nobody knew this, not even me.

Because everyone around me growing up (and for most of my adult life) assumed (falsely) that I was Neuro-Average, they often (meaning well) treated me "how they wanted to be treated," causing me great harm.

When my teachers thought I needed to "learn to sit quiet and still" so I could "listen properly" like my peers (assuming we all had similar needs and capacity for stillness), I became ashamed of my need to move.

Anytime I would do my best at something very difficult for me (that other people find easy), when people scolded me for "not trying hard enough," it made me feel as if my best was not enough - and I was not enough.

When I would "look away" from adults when they were talking to me (because it can help me process the words they were saying or if I need to describe something complex from memory), they would become upset that I wouldn't "look at them." Sometimes, they would accuse me of lying, which made me afraid of not being believed (because of how angry adults got when they thought I was lying).