"Why DO they stay?" Talking about why people stay in abusive relationships.

Some people stay because they’re dependent upon the person who is harming them, & don’t know if they can survive without the protection of their abuser.

When people talk about getting out of abusive relationships (friendships, romantic relationships, work relationships, & escaping toxic parents), those who’ve never been there always say they “don’t understand why people stay in abusive relationships” - a VERY privileged take.

WARNING - This thread may be triggering to some readers.

Some people stay because they’re dependent upon the person who is harming them, & don’t know if they can survive without the protection of their abuser.

People who don’t have stable income, a way of (or experience) supporting themselves are more vulnerable to becoming stuck in abusive relationships.

Sometimes this is by the design of the abuser (who wants the person in question to be dependent on them).

Additionally, if the person being abused is being harmed by their parent or guardian, the victim may struggle to gain support from those around them (because many people won’t step between a parent & their child, even if the parent is harming that child) because: parent’s rights.

How many times have you watched a parent screaming at (or spanking - physically abusing) their crying child in the store, opting to “mind your own business”?

If the person behind harmed is Autistic, or has another disability that can be used to question their competence, it can be used against them, keeping people in relationships with abusive caregivers (who may exaggerate how much care a person needs), holding them hostage.

Some people stay because they’re not only worried about themselves.

Siblings may stay with abusive guardians to protect one another.

Parents also may stay with an abusive spouses if their abuser is likely to get custody of their children if they were to split up.

Money is often a key factor in this type of entrapment, especially if the abuser is the main income earner, & their spouse doesn’t have resources.

Some people don’t know that what they are experiencing is abuse (especially if they came from abusive households, where lifetime abuse was normalized).

Lots of people are just out there, repeating & mimicking the abusive relationships of their parents.

Some people think they deserve the abuse they are receiving (because they have been told they bring it on themselves).

Some people feel responsible for the emotions & actions of the people around them (because we’ve been told we’re responsible for them).

Maybe we stop judging, & start supporting each other.

If you “can’t imagine staying” you are fucking lucky.