I was diagnosed in 1994, at the age of 13. I was the subject of a case study that proved that girls could have autism. This involved a trip to Madison where they did an MRI of my brain. Because back then, it was widely believed that girls simply could not have autism.
Despite being formally diagnosed at such a relatively young age, it was immediately clear that absolutely no one in my life intended to change anything about how they behaved toward me. I have been seeing the same shrink for my ADHD since I was 26; she does not and will not attempt to address my autism, nor has she ever provided me with resources for adults with autism because until very recently, there simply weren't any.
Anyway. As far as educating neurotypicals is concerned, I've always been happy to. They almost never actually listen, and when i get to the part where actually, *they're* the ones who should be making accommodations for us, they generally check out.
So this is something I have been struggling with as of late. My 16 year old daughter is autistic, and oftens uses the terms neurodivigent, neurospicy, etc. It's cool. My boss is an older boomer woman who was recently diagnosed with autism and so talks to me a lot about it because she doesn't have other people in this community. She became absolutely livid when I used the term neurodivergent. She actually called me a Nazi and said I was segmenting off a portion of the population for ridicule when in her mind everyone is neurodivergent and hence the term has no meaning. I don't know what to do with this. She is big mad at me and continues to bring it up. I know she's at the beginning of her learning journey. How do you work through that anger?
She us probably from the time when we were having to shift the language used about us ourselves. Originally the curists referred to themselves as neuro-normative and us as neurodivergent. Most people nowadays don't realize that they're even saying neurodivergent. *The actual, correct term we settled on back in the day was **neuro-diverse.***
One of the ways is that I learned about antiracism, intersectionality, and other concepts before having an event that caused me to accept I'm Autistic. That event led me to get a formal assessment, which only a few weeks ago confirmed my suspicion.
From antiracism I was already aware of some of the dynamics of a society that believes there is one right way to be, and that any differences cause people to be “othered” and placed lower on a social hierarchy. I already knew of people who thought that social justice activists talking about racism is what separated people, rather than the social construct of race that was created for the purpose of creating a hierarchy being what separated people.
I know several people who are like your boss, who have internalized a form of self-hatred in order to continue to conform to the social hierarchies imposed by Western culture (I live under the Canadian Crown). Some of them are BIPOC and female, so already have several different demographic traits that have “othered” them in this culture, and yet still see individual traits as the problem rather than recognizing the social structures as the problem.
It is their anger to work through. I don't know if there is anything else the rest of us can do other than to be open about our own journey. You are also in a specific situation given this is your boss, and should probably be careful. I wasn't careful enough at my prior employment, and was my natural open and honest self, and workplace politics made it impossible for me to stay (I resigned after being put on "sick leave" for being Autistic at work).
I don’t have a solution for that particular dynamic, and am sharing so you know you aren’t alone.
Thank you for this. The irony here is that we work in a field that has a special empahsis on the ways in which language impact identites, so it really was shocking that this was an issue.
My former employer gave all the right speeches, and included all the right words in corporate documentation. But that is all it was -- performative corporate speak.
We need to keep ourselves safe, and to be a bit cautious of who we treat as friends and who are just performing an act with us. I confused so many past coworkers as friends, and several were actually playing office politics which only became obvious after I left and I was looking from the outside.
"I find many Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) policies are performative, and never adequately seek to understand “inclusion into what”. I’m not thinking narrowly about neurotypes, but all forms of diversity.
I’ve observed “inclusion” interpreted narrowly as anyone being able to join an organization. Once hired, employees are expected to behave like every other employee, and never make so-called “normal” employees feel uncomfortable with any differences. Employees are expected to leave who they are as complex intersectional people at home."
Be cautious... I've also had to learn... that some people don't want to learn or aren't open to it... and forcing things on people like that always backfires/makes them defensive/dig in more.
At this point I just want her to stop calling me a nazi. I don't bring it up anymore but she seems really determined to fight me on this point and will just bring it up out of the blue while I'm working on something else completely unrelated.
I enjoy infodumping. And ever since she got sick I have felt the need to infodump more than ever about Kate Middleton. But some unkind people... jerks... call me obsessed, which enrages me. I don't understand how people are okay with the "Elvis is alive" camp, but they make fun of me for crushing on Kate Middleton. I'm so not into Elvis but I don't tell people not to be, I just say "It's not my thing, I'm picky about everything."
I love this, especially since I've been educating my own family while trying not to drive them away (for example, my mom insisted on describing me using the term Asperger's even after I told her it was offensive).
I think it's notable that the language of Neurodiversity is still evolving. I first learned about it by reading Neurotribes and looking up to people like Temple Grandin. Though I still recommend Neurotribes, I have to add the caveat that Silberman's presentation of Asperger is inaccurate because of the limited information he worked from. And I no longer have much respect for Grandin given her treatment of autistics who don't meet the capitalist definition of success.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on how the ND community, our language for ourselves, and our resources have changed since you started your blog.
Those of us who were late-diagnosed grow up assuming we're the problem. Shaming new learners just perpetuates the issue.
Those of us who were early diagnosed in the days before autism was added to the list of federally protected disabilities were very much so blamed and punished for being autistic, too. We still are, actually - all of us.
I linked elsewhere to thin slice judgements - neurotypicals reflexively dislike us within 30 seconds of meeting us and often bully us in a subconscious attempt to forcibly "correct" our behavior and mannerisms that they find idiosyncratic without being consciously aware of it. NT adults do this to autistic children the first time they meet and no amount of masking fools NTs. They peg us as "different" without knowing we're autistic 100% of the time.
I know this is true. Little kids aren’t making mistakes, they’re just different, and ostracized for the difference alone. I was very late diagnosed, but I remember being that kid in the corner that everybody else poked, and made the butt of their jokes. People make snap judgements about us on the spot. I knew even then, that there was something different about me. I just didn’t know what it was, and when I looked at how they behaved, (both towards me, and in general) I didn’t even want to be like those people, so I never learned to mask.
I was diagnosed in 1994, at the age of 13. I was the subject of a case study that proved that girls could have autism. This involved a trip to Madison where they did an MRI of my brain. Because back then, it was widely believed that girls simply could not have autism.
Despite being formally diagnosed at such a relatively young age, it was immediately clear that absolutely no one in my life intended to change anything about how they behaved toward me. I have been seeing the same shrink for my ADHD since I was 26; she does not and will not attempt to address my autism, nor has she ever provided me with resources for adults with autism because until very recently, there simply weren't any.
Anyway. As far as educating neurotypicals is concerned, I've always been happy to. They almost never actually listen, and when i get to the part where actually, *they're* the ones who should be making accommodations for us, they generally check out.
This is extremely important, if you haven't already seen it: https://neuroclastic.com/free-pdf-download-thin-slice-judgements-and-the-different-world-autistics-inhabit/
So this is something I have been struggling with as of late. My 16 year old daughter is autistic, and oftens uses the terms neurodivigent, neurospicy, etc. It's cool. My boss is an older boomer woman who was recently diagnosed with autism and so talks to me a lot about it because she doesn't have other people in this community. She became absolutely livid when I used the term neurodivergent. She actually called me a Nazi and said I was segmenting off a portion of the population for ridicule when in her mind everyone is neurodivergent and hence the term has no meaning. I don't know what to do with this. She is big mad at me and continues to bring it up. I know she's at the beginning of her learning journey. How do you work through that anger?
She us probably from the time when we were having to shift the language used about us ourselves. Originally the curists referred to themselves as neuro-normative and us as neurodivergent. Most people nowadays don't realize that they're even saying neurodivergent. *The actual, correct term we settled on back in the day was **neuro-diverse.***
I've been a very lucky person in many ways.
One of the ways is that I learned about antiracism, intersectionality, and other concepts before having an event that caused me to accept I'm Autistic. That event led me to get a formal assessment, which only a few weeks ago confirmed my suspicion.
From antiracism I was already aware of some of the dynamics of a society that believes there is one right way to be, and that any differences cause people to be “othered” and placed lower on a social hierarchy. I already knew of people who thought that social justice activists talking about racism is what separated people, rather than the social construct of race that was created for the purpose of creating a hierarchy being what separated people.
I know several people who are like your boss, who have internalized a form of self-hatred in order to continue to conform to the social hierarchies imposed by Western culture (I live under the Canadian Crown). Some of them are BIPOC and female, so already have several different demographic traits that have “othered” them in this culture, and yet still see individual traits as the problem rather than recognizing the social structures as the problem.
It is their anger to work through. I don't know if there is anything else the rest of us can do other than to be open about our own journey. You are also in a specific situation given this is your boss, and should probably be careful. I wasn't careful enough at my prior employment, and was my natural open and honest self, and workplace politics made it impossible for me to stay (I resigned after being put on "sick leave" for being Autistic at work).
I don’t have a solution for that particular dynamic, and am sharing so you know you aren’t alone.
Thank you for this. The irony here is that we work in a field that has a special empahsis on the ways in which language impact identites, so it really was shocking that this was an issue.
I'm going to echo the caution and learning.
My former employer gave all the right speeches, and included all the right words in corporate documentation. But that is all it was -- performative corporate speak.
We need to keep ourselves safe, and to be a bit cautious of who we treat as friends and who are just performing an act with us. I confused so many past coworkers as friends, and several were actually playing office politics which only became obvious after I left and I was looking from the outside.
Earlier I wrote:
https://mcormond.blogspot.com/2024/03/autism-employment.html
"I find many Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) policies are performative, and never adequately seek to understand “inclusion into what”. I’m not thinking narrowly about neurotypes, but all forms of diversity.
I’ve observed “inclusion” interpreted narrowly as anyone being able to join an organization. Once hired, employees are expected to behave like every other employee, and never make so-called “normal” employees feel uncomfortable with any differences. Employees are expected to leave who they are as complex intersectional people at home."
Be cautious... I've also had to learn... that some people don't want to learn or aren't open to it... and forcing things on people like that always backfires/makes them defensive/dig in more.
At this point I just want her to stop calling me a nazi. I don't bring it up anymore but she seems really determined to fight me on this point and will just bring it up out of the blue while I'm working on something else completely unrelated.
I enjoy infodumping. And ever since she got sick I have felt the need to infodump more than ever about Kate Middleton. But some unkind people... jerks... call me obsessed, which enrages me. I don't understand how people are okay with the "Elvis is alive" camp, but they make fun of me for crushing on Kate Middleton. I'm so not into Elvis but I don't tell people not to be, I just say "It's not my thing, I'm picky about everything."
Reply to them, "I'm not obsessed, I'm autistic. What's *your* excuse?" And put them on the spot for being ableist assholes.
Thank you so much! I fervently appreciate your support. I've crushed on Kate from the very beginning.
I love this, especially since I've been educating my own family while trying not to drive them away (for example, my mom insisted on describing me using the term Asperger's even after I told her it was offensive).
I think it's notable that the language of Neurodiversity is still evolving. I first learned about it by reading Neurotribes and looking up to people like Temple Grandin. Though I still recommend Neurotribes, I have to add the caveat that Silberman's presentation of Asperger is inaccurate because of the limited information he worked from. And I no longer have much respect for Grandin given her treatment of autistics who don't meet the capitalist definition of success.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on how the ND community, our language for ourselves, and our resources have changed since you started your blog.
Those of us who were late-diagnosed grow up assuming we're the problem. Shaming new learners just perpetuates the issue.
Those of us who were early diagnosed in the days before autism was added to the list of federally protected disabilities were very much so blamed and punished for being autistic, too. We still are, actually - all of us.
I linked elsewhere to thin slice judgements - neurotypicals reflexively dislike us within 30 seconds of meeting us and often bully us in a subconscious attempt to forcibly "correct" our behavior and mannerisms that they find idiosyncratic without being consciously aware of it. NT adults do this to autistic children the first time they meet and no amount of masking fools NTs. They peg us as "different" without knowing we're autistic 100% of the time.
I know this is true. Little kids aren’t making mistakes, they’re just different, and ostracized for the difference alone. I was very late diagnosed, but I remember being that kid in the corner that everybody else poked, and made the butt of their jokes. People make snap judgements about us on the spot. I knew even then, that there was something different about me. I just didn’t know what it was, and when I looked at how they behaved, (both towards me, and in general) I didn’t even want to be like those people, so I never learned to mask.